“It’s raining farts!” That’s what my four year old proudly exclaimed as he busted into our bedroom the other morning :) Very typical of him, always trying to. Funny medical jokes - Funny Jokes & Quotes. Funny medical jokes - Smile. A note on dentists' door: "Smile. You might be doing this for the last time". Medical jokes - Examination. A young guy comes to a doctor. After examination the doctor says: - So, we will have to cut one of your lungs. The guy is astonished and tells: - But doctor, my lungs have always been great, I have never had any problems with them.- I see it myself. But your liver have no room anymore. Medical jokes - Sex. A doctor asks a patient: - Sir, were you using a condom during the last time you had sex?- Doctor, what do you mean by “the last time”? Funny medical jokes - LSDA grandson asks his grandma: - Hey grandma, haven't you seen my LSD tabs? The problem with standard jokes is that you have to wait too long for the punchline – which may then turn out to be not that funny. Short funny jokes are the. Laugh it up with Jokes and Humorous storys relating to British Cars. Funniest jokes collection of all time. Super short funny jokes, the best one liners and pick up lines that'll make you laugh out loud. Stupid Joke: Things to Ponder. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Atheism is a non. Grandma replies: - Forget those tabs. Have you seen that dragoon in the kitchen? Medical jokes - Radiation. Three indicators that you have a radiation sickness. You are losing hair. Your skin is turning red. Your grave is bleak. Medical jokes - Eyesight- What’s your eyesight?- - 5- That must be cold. Funny medical jokes - Pulling out a tooth. Dentist: - Don’t worry, it will take me only a minute to pull your tooth out. Patient: - And how much will it cost me?- 1. For a 1 minute job?!- If you prefer, I can be pulling it out for one hour..
Funny medical jokes - In a hospital. A patient asks a doctor in a hospital: - Doc, what has happened to me?- Don't know, but the anatomy will reveal it. Funny medical jokes - Carrots - Doc, is it true, that if I ate a lot of carrots, I won't need glasses?- Sure, have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses? Funny medical jokes - Cosmetic surgery. A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says: If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons. Funny medical jokes - Reanimation A phone rings in a reanimation room: - Excuse me, is John still alive?- Still not. Funny medical jokes - French patient. A French woman comes to the doctor. Doc: - Madam, I have some great news for you.- I'm Mademoiselle, not madam, please.- Mademoiselle, I have to upset you - you're pregnant. Funny medical jokes - Poison. Doc to a patient: - There are no doubts - you have been poisoned!- For goodness' sake, With what, Doc?- Don't worry, we'll find that out during dissection.. Funny medical jokes - @ psychiatrist At psychiatrist: - Do you consume alcohol?- No.- Do you smoke?- No.- Do you use drugs?- No.- Do you play cards?- No.- Do you run after other women?- No.- So why did you come to me?- You see, doc, I have one little problem - I lie a lot.. Funny medical jokes - prepare your husband. Doctor: - Madam, please prepare your husband for the worst! Wife: - Oh God, will he die? Doctor: - No. He will not be allowed to drink any beer! Medical jokes - drive to maternity hospital. A woman gets into a taxi and asks: - To maternity hospital, please. After a while she asks the driver: - Do not drive so fast, please, I'm simply working there. Medical jokes - ears and nose. In a hospital: - do you have any problems with you ears or nose?- Yes, doc?- They hurt?- No, they impede when I'm trying to put on a sweater. In clinics: - Excuse me, are you a gynecologist?- No, but I can have a look at it. Doc to a patient: - Please, bend your knee.- Which way, doc?- Doc, we have lost our patient.- What happened?- He recovered. My doctor told me to avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill.- Doctor, this bucket has a hole. Would you please repair it? - Are you stupid! Do you know who I am?- Yes I do – you are specialist in plastic surgery…A patient comes to a doctor: - Doc, I think I'm allergic - when I wake up with boots, I feel terrible headache. Remember, when you are wishing your friends good health, you are wishing unemployment for doctors. How can you recognize a gynecologist? He's wearing a watch above his elbow. New Russian says to a doctor after he gives his diagnosis: - Doc, you have to make the decision. Either I will live or you will die.. I won’t go to doctor today – I don’t feel well enough. Doctor tells to patient: - I have some bad news and worse news. Patient: - What is it, doctor? Doctor: - The laboratory test results show that you have only 2. Patient: - Oh my God! Doctor: - The worse news is that I was tried telling this to you yesterday but your cell phone was unreachable. A psychiatrist congratulates his patient with a progress in treatment. The patient: Do you really call it a progress? Six months ago I was a Napoleon and now I am nobody. A doctor of a small village drives a car at 1. His wife: - Honey, why are you driving so fast - there might be a policeman around the corner and he would stop you.- Don't worry, darling, yesterday I told him to stay in bed. Wife returns from the clinics and tells her husband: - The doctor recommended me to spend one month at the sea, two weeks in the countryside and go for one week abroad. Where will you take me first?- To another doctor..- I drink beer to easy the digestion. I drink liqueur to expand blood vessels. I drink vodka for disinfection. Jokes and Humorous Storys About British Cars. Jokes | True. Stories | Cartoons |. Misc. Humor | Adults. Only | Links. Jokes. Q: Know why the British don't make. A: They couldn't figure out how to make them. Bill Hancock Q: What do you call an MG with dual. A: A Wheelbarrow!- Philip Payne. Q: How do you double the value of a. Triumph? A: Fill it up with gas!- Paul Helsby. Q: What's the difference between a. Jag owner and a classic Triumph owner? A: The Jag owner washes his hands AFTER he's. Triumph owner..- Richard Gosling. Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because the all have Lucus refrigerators. It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. Q: What are the two questions you hear. MGBGT? A: 1. Is it HOT in here? Do you smell gas?- Sir Drives- A- lot. Q: When does a man open the door of the. A. When he has a new car. B. When he has a new wife. Webster's definition of Corvette: A. Spitfire on steroids.- Russ Thomas. Little Billy and his Dad were down at the. Spitfires zipping. Little Billy looks up to his Dad and says, "Dad. I grow up, I want to be a Spitfire. His Dad looks down at him and says, "You can't do. Ree G. For those of you who have never had the. British car, but want to know. Next big rainstorm, wait till. Stop at. every intersection and throw out a twenty dollar. It's not exactly the same, but it's real. Mike Nash. I pulled into a garage with my newly. Spitty and politly asked "Have you. Spit"The cheeky git replied"sounds like a good deal to. Kevin Cox. An GT6 pulled alongside a Rolls- Royce at a. Do you have a car phone?" its driver asked the. Rolls."Of course I do," was the haughty reply."Do you have a fax machine?"The Rolls driver sighed. I have that too.""Do you have a double bed in the back?" the GT6. Ashen- faced, the Rolls. That afternoon, he had a mechanic install a double. A week later, the Rolls driver passed the same GT6. The. arrogant driver pulled over, got out of the Rolls. GT6's rear window. I want you to. know that I've had a double bed installed," bragged. Rolls driver. The GT6 driver rolled his window down and frowned. Rolls driver. "You got me out of the shower. My husband phoned me the other day and. Well I was not thrilled I wanted the new 4. SUV. What kind is it I asked... Triumph. Spitfire a BRITISH car.. I've always. wanted one he exclaimed! Well I knew nothing of. British cars. I love Coronation Street does. No? Well, family told me to be greatful, he only bought. MID LIFE CRISIS. "They either buy sports cars or trade the wife in. He got BOTH. We've had. I'm slimmer already.. I've. had to push it home everytime we go out!- Kimberlie Milner. A man was driving down a country road in. He got out and raised the. A brown and white cow slowly lumbered from the. After. a moment the cow looked at the man and said, "Looks. Then she walked back. Amazed, the man walked back to the farmhouse he had. Hey, mister. is that your cow in the field?" he asked. The. farmer replied, "The brown and white one? Yep. that's old Bessie." The man then said, "Well my. Looks like a. bad carbuerator to me.'" The farmer shook his head. Don't mind old Bessie, son. She don't. know a thing about cars."- Sue Hunneybell. The Senior Driver. As a senior citizen was driving down the. Answering, he heard. Herman, I. just heard on the news that there's a car going the. Please be careful!""Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's. hundreds of them!"Five surgeons are taking a coffee. Accountaints are the best to operate. Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical. Try electricians! Everything inside. THEM is color coded."4th surgeon: "I prefer lawyers. They're heartless. I like British car restorers.. Tom Broberg. I saw a sign at a gas station. It said. "help wanted." There was another sign below it that. So I hired myself. Then I made. myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid. myself. Then I quit.- Stephen Wright (the comedian)I have a map of the United States, life. One mile equals one mile. It's a b**** to. fold it.- Stephen Wright If Microsoft Built Cars.. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates. If GM had kept up with. Recently General Motors addressed this comment by. Yes, but would you want. If Microsoft Built Cars.. Every time they repainted the lines on the road. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause. For some strange reason, you. You could only have one person in the car at a. Car. 95" or "Car. NT". But. then you would have to buy more seats. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive. Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would. New seats would force everyone to have the same. The airbag system would say "are you sure?". If you were involved in a crash, you would have. True. Stories. Be careful what you wear (or don't wear). From the Sydney Morning Hearld, Australia, comes. The. man told his wife to carry on with the shopping. The wife. returned later to see a small group of people near. Where has my humor gone. Where. Has All My Humor Gone; Long Time Passing.. Humor from Children to Adults. By Steven M. Sultanoff, Ph. D. Originally published as the. President's Column" in. Therapeutic Humor, Publication of the American Association for. Therapeutic Humor, Fall, 1. Vol. XIII, 4, p. 2. In a workshop many years ago I was. Some made choices such as "Friendly Fred" and. Passionate Patty" while I choose the adjective "silly" and became. Silly Steve." As we mingled and read each other's name tags one participant. Silly Steve. I am sorry you see yourself that way." At. I was befuddled by his comment but then realized he thought that I was being. I was surprised, yet his perspective may be more common than I perceive. While "research" indicating that. Why is. it that adults appear to laugh less often than children? What has happened to us as we. Wipe that smile off your face!! Do you. want people to think you are stupid? You are not being serious. No one will respect you.! Sound familiar? Most of us have heard. Perhaps we have even made some of. It is statements and attitudes like these that encourage children to become. Children enter life. Their sense of humor is then cultivated by how they experience their social. Positive humor, negative humor, resistance to. One of the greatest potential contributions we can provide for. By living with a. Our use of therapeutic. It is a lifestyle or perhaps a philosophy of. We teach humorous- ness (or seriousness) by the way children experience us. If we take ourselves lightly, so will children. If we use humor to manage life's. If we share therapeutic humor and avoid humor that is. It has been suggested by some that humor is a "social lubricant." If this is true, then what. The theme of this newsletter is "humor. As they grow, children refine their individual sense of humor as they. It is important that we remember that humor is not. As Br’er Rabbit once. Everybody’s got a laughin' place. Trouble is, most folks won't take the. As we "mature" we may have been "taught" to. A stitch in time saves nine what? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting. After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? Steven Wright. Are female moths called myths? Are part- time band leaders semi- conductors? Are there a lot of virgins in the Virgin Islands? Are there any unguided missiles? Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that. Do Not Pass"? Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Can a stupid person be a smart- ass? Can fat people go skinny- dipping? Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop? Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial. Could crop- circles be the work of a cereal killer? Crime doesn't pay.. Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they. Did Noah keep his bees in archives? Do blind dogs have seeing- eye humans? Do blind Eskimos have seeing- eye sled dogs? Do boxer shorts box? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? Do clowns wear really big socks? Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims? Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped? Do fish get thirsty? Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words? Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans? Do mass murderers kill only in church? Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'? Do pilots take crash- courses? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms? Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers? Do steam rollers really roll steam? Do television evangelists do more than lay people? Stanley Ralph. Moss. Do vampires get AIDS? Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? Do witches run spell checkers? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just. Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that. Steven Wright. Does a man- eating shark eat women, too? Does an analyst have to be anal? Adam Rifkin. Does killing time damage eternity? Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip? Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent". I don't get it. - -Steven Wright. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem? Have you ever wondered? How can someone "draw a blank"? How can there be self- help "groups"? How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes? How come chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows? How come I can pick my ears but not my nose? How come wrong numbers are never busy? How dead is the Dead Sea? How did a fool and his money get together? How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done? How do I set my laser printer on stun? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? How do they get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the. How do you get off a nonstop flight? How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried. How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? How do you throw away a garbage can? How do you write zero in Roman numerals? How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word? How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold? How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? How is it possible to have a "civil" war? How is it possible to run out of space? How long is the long arm of the law? How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb? How many weeks are there in a light year? How much can I get away with and still go to heaven? How much milk is there in the Milky Way? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was? Satchel. Paige. If 7- 1. If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around. Happy Birthday?". If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor. If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half. Tom Robbins. If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his. Walkman? If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer? Steven Wright. If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a. If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham- hock? If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the. Steven Wright. If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a. If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness.
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